Monday, May 18, 2009

Aydan's Rainbow

I took a break from the computer when Joan asked me to watch the grandkids so she could make a couple phone calls. I had to pull myself away from what seemed important at the time…following a wagon train of new thoughts into and through the Valley of Possibility - squadrons of words and pictures that tumble down from the clouds above my mind, asking me to assemble their hope for survival in a new form - building a new recipe that I always hope will add a bit of nutrition and spice to a world that has been taught to feed upon techno-gadgetry and manufactured, time-eating nano-blah-blah…

Aydan, who’s almost two and has earned his current nickname - “Destructor”, was doing his job, exploring his world - getting into this or that. While Lorelei, who soon will turn five, was directing yet another play – one filled with fairies and mermaids, at the world renowned Dining Room Table Theater.

On the living room couch sat Nalu, the one and only “boy” mermaid…or is it “merman”, from Lorelei’s collection – the one with straggly orange hair and a tag that’s been nearly chewed off (long ago, one of our nicknames for Lorelei was “Tag-Biter”). Over the last couple years, Lorelei has entrusted Nalu to me in-between visits to our home…because, we were both “boys”.

Seeing both grandkids in their own little worlds, I thought I’d shake things up. I picked up Nalu, held him high in the air and called out, “Come on, everyone…let’s have a parade!”

I proceeded to high-step into the dining room, raising Nalu into the air – my drum major prop. I didn’t get more than a passing glance from Lorelei, who was still in fairyland, yet Aydan…began to follow.

Out of the dining room and into the kitchen I marched with Aydan tentatively following behind dragging a white balloon by a long string…out of the kitchen and into the arts and crafts room we marched. And then back into the living room, which adjoins the dining room…where Lorelei still sat at the table, yet by now I had distracted her, and as we passed her table, she joined the parade behind Aydan’s balloon, holding Tinkerbell in one hand and Pocket Polly in the other…

We marched through the kitchen and then down the hall and into the bedroom, where Grammy was talking on the phone. Not wanting to disturb her, we marched back out and up the hall, through the arts and crafts room and into the kitchen when I noticed…Aydan had fallen behind.

I made a tight circle, with Lorelei following my lead and found Aydan entranced by something he’d found on the carpet. He was pointing to it and giving out a toddler grunt, which I translated to mean, “Hey You Guys---Look at this!!!!”

It was a toddler-sized rainbow that Aydan had stumbled upon and for a time, even I was stumped as to how and why it had come to find a home in the middle of today’s parade route. But looking in the direction of the window providing the sunlight, I found a pewter shaped heart hanging on a string from a shelf. In the middle of the heart hung a crystal that was sipping sunrays and transforming them into a tiny rainbow…in the hope of capturing the imagination of three children who were marching down main street inside our small home.

Aydan laid down to examine, a bit closer, the spectrum of colors and in the process, broke the stream of light - making it disappear. I picked him up and moved him a bit to the left, restoring the colorforms back to their temporary home on the carpet.

Joan had finished her phone call and joined us as I grabbed my camera to document the enchanting moment….little hands taking turns scooping up and holding a rainbow…does it get any better than that?


A passing cloud out in the real world ended the life of Aydan’s little rainbow…the little crowd dispersed and the parade had been forgotten. Soon it was time to go to Toddler Time at the library, then on to a picnic lunch at Riverfront Park, and then back home for naps. And all that had happened that morning was left in the wake of my daily planner…till the next morning, when I found myself in the company of a quiet mind up to camp and the treasure chest we’d found at the base of Aydan’s Rainbow joined me…and a yellow pad of paper.

And so it seems to go, day in and day out—as we march in step to the cadence of our chosen drill sergeant…until a magical moment awakens us from our sleep. And when one awakens, everyone else in close proximity gets the same wake-up call and together we revel in the absence of time – Providence, the magical grain of sand suspended midway between the upper and lower chambers of the esoteric hourglass.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

She Changed The Way I See...

I sat in her classroom many times over the course of three magical years. Our first meeting came during the fall of 2005. It was November, the most overcast month of the year…and it was a time in my life that I was in-between two worlds - one I had walked away from…and the other, I was still too scared to embrace.

 

You see, a few months earlier, at the age of forty-seven, I resigned from a twenty-three year career in state government. I was too young – too young to retire and too young to sacrifice any more years to “perceived professionalism”; too young to live with my back to the sunshine that had little chance of shining inside a ten by ten cubicle – no matter how close I sat to a window.

 

And so, with the full support of my wife, Joan, and after many years of preparation (getting out of debt and saving pennies)…I quit. We sold our house in the development and moved to a place where pavement doesn’t impede a thirsty earth from drinking, where Nature’s classroom is always open and the faculty is happy with their pay and working environment. I wanted to spend six months in Nature’s Presence…and now, three and a half years later, I remain…in awe of her Presence and her presents.

 

For me, November 2005 was a time of staying oh so very busy, a tactic I used to avoid dealing with what needed to be dealt with, in order to grow in the direction of my new sun. Sitting still was out of the question. I had left the only world I knew, and fear joined me for coffee each morning. Quieting the chatter in my mind, which had lost its’ sense of equilibrium, was not an option – not unless it was silenced by a reality that slapped the meaningless words and pictures from my mind…and that’s what happened…

 

It was like the haunting call of a loon just before dawn on a fog-covered lake; or the striking of a Tibetan singing bowl, whose reverberations send peace-filled ripples to rescue an out of control mind…or the giggle of a four-year-old child, which changes everything…for a time.

 

But this new teacher hooked my attention without making a sound – no words were uttered…she just appeared at the right time and place as I hung from a fragile branch on yesterday’s tree – ripe for the picking.

 

And as I sat before her podium, my mind fell away, leaving me in the place where words have no meaning or purpose – a place called Providence. And in this perfect state, where judgments, opinions, and cultural masks do not exist, I was ready to receive her gift.

 

She changed the way I see...everything.

 

She taught me as I observed her living her life. And her lesson was clear: what we think will prevent life from being lived, is just that – a thought...and thoughts, often times, have no basis in reality.

 

She became a role model for me - she inspired and awed because…she survived. She survived for three years, in spite of having lost such a big part of what makes living possible in the forest of life. She was a yearling when we first met and she unintentionally posed for a number of portraits that will live on for as long as I live…and hopefully will live on and become a part of my own sons and grandchildren as they retell the story born from a cold, depressed November morning.

TL year one  

 

Her gift was not wrapped in golden paper, nor was it a carefully constructed lesson plan developed by a team of credentialed suits. What she showed me was that life is lived by those who cannot see what others think will hold them back – they live because no one has ever told them that life cannot be lived that way. They thrive using whatever gifts they learn to nurture.

 

What limits us, in most all that we will ever think or do during the course of our life, is not determined by those who only see our weaknesses, without ever seeing or understanding what is ever more powerful – our strengths. When we focus upon our strengths, and let others worry about perceived weaknesses, there are no limitations. This is where Providence patiently awaits; this is where a three-legged deer worries not about her future – this is where life is really lived…